Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She told me I should be a condom model.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
