last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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