I checked into jail on foursquare
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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