My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize