dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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