He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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