Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
