Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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