you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
