I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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