If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I love you.
Bad choice
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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