K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
they're like a gay fantastic four
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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