I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
