his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
