My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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