Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
