I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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