I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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