hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
