glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize