I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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