i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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