I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
