mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
