You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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