i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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