remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
