What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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