My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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