Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
