She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
