haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
