Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I will pee on everything he values.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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