If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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