her vagine was all disorganized.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
