things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this just has baby written all over it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
