The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
