i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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