I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
