i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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