Nicole vs. Life
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
