I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
