Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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