I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
4 words: hood of his car
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
