I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
