Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize