Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
