I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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