Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
