We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Its about making memories worth repressing
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
