My first STD was from a foam party
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
