I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
