We're facebook friends in real life
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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