I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
