I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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