Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
