Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
