??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Are my feet made of real feet?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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