when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
