I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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