I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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