so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
