Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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