i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
