community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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