office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
