I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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