I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
