She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
