Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
