An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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