ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
