I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
