Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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