I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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