I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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