I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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