I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
