Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
