textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
