This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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