i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
