picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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