You just made me feel so damn special
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
