I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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