hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
