its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
