You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
