its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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