you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Shame is for Republicans.
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