Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
