If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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