there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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