How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
