so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
