Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
