I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i think my cat just said my name.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize