its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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