I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
