its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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