just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
