just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
