Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
