dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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