Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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