you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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