i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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