heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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