If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize