oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
