I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
