In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
