I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
