if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
