scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
