do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
