alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize