So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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